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Sleep child
Pretend the carousel of life doesn't make you queasy
Dance in the spider webs they ensnare you within
To eventually drain you.

Dance child
Entangle the strings attached to your body and soul
Let them try to solve the knots and tangles
Slip away when cut.

Sing child
Let your silent cries call out to Heaven above
Deafen the devils and the tormentors of Hell
Even though you're mute.

Kill child
Make them pay and make them all bleed out
Shroud them in spider webs and their dangling threads
Then go to sleep.
Out of nowhere, this struck down. Any and all feedback is as always highly appreciated :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconalice1231:
Alice1231 Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Ej hvor er det godt! Keep up the good Work! (håber jeg gætter rigtigt med Danmark er hjemlandet xD)
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2015
Du gætter rigtigt, og mange tak :D
Reply
:iconalice1231:
Alice1231 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Det var heldigt XD
Så lidt!:D
Reply
:iconwhisperingwillow19:
WhisperingWillow19 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
o.o I. Love. This. It is so amazing. I have had similar sensations and well experiences that relate to this very, very well. Wonderful.

~Fang.
Reply
:iconfayjan19:
fayjan19 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i am still a child...and always will be
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
:D In some ways, most of us always will be, somewhere deep inside :)
Reply
:iconfayjan19:
fayjan19 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
aaa yes ..forever n ever more!
Reply
:iconbluediamondsnow:
BlueDiamondSnow Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
What's sad about this, is too many children in this world probably need this lullaby sung to them. Excellent.
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013
Thank you very much for the sweet comment :D I am happy you like it ^^
Reply
:iconcataclystiq:
Cataclystiq Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Those are some dark thoughts you harbor there O_O!!
Well anyway, here's your requested critique:-
Vision: 4/5 Originality: 4.5/5 Technique: 3.5/5 Impact: 4/5
Well vision and originality were pretty good, and actually I found the style quite original, as not many writers use "child" in a poem expressing ill-morbid thoughts of brutality and aggression. Your technique, was, well, somewhat lacking. There were no rhyming words, or any specific style for that matter, which could've contributed greatly to the poem. But the impact was noteworthy! I think that because you used the word "child". That gives it a real vibe of horror and inflicted cruelty. I actually feel that if used correctly, that single word might transform a normal horror poem into a hauntingly monstrous poem.
Well so thats 16/20 which is 80%. Hope this helped!
:iconcritique-for-all:
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013
Thank you so very much for this nice critique :D I was aware that technique was probably not going to win any prizes in this one, but the most important part to me was getting the feelings through, and the impact of it :) And with 4/5 on that, I would say it is a success :D So, I am happy with the two high "scores" on the points that is important to me :D Thank you!
As for the dark thoughts, well, my mind is a place of darkness and light, and I don't always control which of those sides my inspiration pounces from :D Just like most other artists, no? :D But I assure you, I am really a nice person *Grins*
Reply
:icondelphoene:
Delphoene Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Very intense, I like it!
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013
Thank you :D Glad you like it :D
Reply
:iconbatgirl2013:
Batgirl2013 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Student Writer
Its dark... I LOVE IT!! :squee:
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
Thank you :D I am happy you like it :D
Reply
:iconbatgirl2013:
Batgirl2013 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Student Writer
It's amazing- i can only try to be that good :D
Reply
:iconannah-the-compozer:
annah-the-compozer Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Hobbyist
that's beautiful!is it some kind of music lyrics or just an idea you got suddenly?
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
Just an idea I suddenly got :) I didn't intend it to be a song lyric, but, some commenters thinks it should be, and I think one is going to make an attempt :D I am looking forward to the result ^^
Reply
:iconannah-the-compozer:
annah-the-compozer Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Hobbyist
me too,just imagine: yer idea transformed into a song and everyone in the whole world watching the result on YouTube \o/ man,I wonder if it could be a symphonic metal song y'know,that would be PERFECT :headbang:
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
I personally love symphonic metal :D So that -would- indeed be awesome! I sing myself on a very amateur basis, but sadly have no-one who can play the music, and I can't write notes, so I just have to keep the melodies in my head :S And if you like this poem, you should take al ook at my gallery ^^ I have several actual song lyrics too. Sadly, I can't show the melodies I have in mind for them :(
Reply
:iconannah-the-compozer:
annah-the-compozer Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Hobbyist
Oh I see.Maybe if I knew ya in real life I could write down yer melodies.My plan of life is to become a conductor/singer so it's quite easy for me to write scores and stuff like.My vocal habilities are not as good as Tarja Turunen's - I don't sing opera XP - but my voice is pretty cool with thrash and power :)
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
Sadly, Denmark is a long way away from Brazil :) But it would be awesome :D And I hope you get far with your dreams!
Reply
:iconannah-the-compozer:
annah-the-compozer Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Hobbyist
Thank you,I wish you the same ^ ^
Reply
:iconblackcatwhitewolf:
BlackCatWhiteWolf Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Might i sing this, post to YouTube? I'll link back to you of course.
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
:D Sounds awesome! Just remember due credits, and do send me a link! :)
Reply
:iconblackcatwhitewolf:
BlackCatWhiteWolf Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I will!
Reply
:iconjrd12222:
JRD12222 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
Interesting.
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
Thanks ^^
Reply
:iconjrd12222:
JRD12222 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
Your welcome. ^_^
Reply
:iconxetherealgrace:
xEtherealGrace Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Student General Artist
Absolutely beautiful. Somebody should make a song of this. :iconspazattackplz: No, seriously.
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
Thank you very much :) That would be awesome, but I doubt it would be easy to make it a song due to the build-up of the stanzas :)
Reply
:iconxetherealgrace:
xEtherealGrace Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Student General Artist
Hmm... that's true.... but it should be done anyways :iconhappyderpplz:
Reply
:icon99fluffball:
99fluffball Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
O_O dost thou want a innocent child to kill and murder?
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
Of course not. Sad fact is, though, that there are children who kills when they should be safe with their parents. :S
Reply
:icon99fluffball:
99fluffball Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
D: ya
Reply
:iconbloodxshredder:
BloodxShredder Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
Great write! I love subliminal writings such as this.
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
Thank you very much :) Happy you like it ^^
Reply
:icongalasecrets:
galasecrets Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is amazing. I love it.
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
Thank you very much :)
Reply
:iconkinglorshi:
Kinglorshi Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Student Writer
Engaging and gripping - I think I liked the first parts more for some reason, as it had more of an impoact. I'm sorrry I cannot pinpoint why, but I Do like this piece. It's cool and meaningful.
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
Thank you very much for your nice comment :) I am happy you like it :D
Reply
:iconkinglorshi:
Kinglorshi Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Student Writer
No problem. :)
Reply
:iconkingboosbiggestfan:
kingboosbiggestfan Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
reminds me of the creepypasta Jeff the Killer
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
:D
Reply
:iconivegottalent:
IveGotTalent Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Can i post this on my tumblr?
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
Sure, as long as you give me due credit for it :)
Reply
:iconivegottalent:
IveGotTalent Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Of course :)
Reply
:iconmidn1ghtcat:
Midn1ghtcat Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
wow very creepy i like it
Reply
:iconridderkvinden:
Ridderkvinden Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconblacklotusdying:
blacklotusdying Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
it's creepy in a good tingly way :) i hope that doesn't offend you.
Reply
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